Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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