ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
