OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
