After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
