Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It was a blind-side dick pic.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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