Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
