seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
