i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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