I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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