he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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