True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
