O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize