Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
