what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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