Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Sorry my hands just texted you
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
