I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
