Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
When are your genitals available?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
