K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
