i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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