That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
