so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
