i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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