Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
