I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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