I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
