Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
