You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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