I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
