Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
