i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
