Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
