i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I wish there were birth control emojis
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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