he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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