It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
