yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
