the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We had sex on a dog bed..
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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