My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
