i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
