So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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