Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize