woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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