you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
