Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
