i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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