Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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