i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Randomize
