Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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