Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
