What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
