their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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