mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
