also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
