I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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