I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
