Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
