Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
