So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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