this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
