Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
