I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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