So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
