oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
