Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My liver just broke up with me...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
