And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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