i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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