I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
