that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
