Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
